Boundless Joy (boundlessjoy) wrote in freepornproject,
Boundless Joy

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No one else has seen these before

These are three poems about a girl I fell in lust with at a poetry reading...

You were standing behind
the wooden pillar
reading trite poems about unreciprocated
love, And I drank Haiku
tea – maybe the ginseng agitated
my delicates – please use Woolite,
when your ripples of red, red hair
wash my sandy shores and a sigh
from your dainty mouth ripples
my grass - and I knew
I must see you again.

You stood at the podium
I watched your lips open
your chest swell
a curl slip from your shoulder
connected by a spider web
to the woodgrain sweep of your hair
You walked from the stage, from the room, into my head
my five year plan is whisked away with a swish of your hips.

You stand behind the thick block
Letting syllables dance off your cherry luscious lipstick pout
you smile
you know
you see our look and we are yours.
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If you don't like her poetry, why do you like her?

I don't understand why you think it's a good idea to work an insult into a love/lust poem.

Unless, of course, you're just so insecure that you need to establish yourself as somehow superior to the object of your desire.

Oh, and... no one who writes lines like "my five year plan is whisked away with a swish of your hips" should risk using the word "trite" to describe someone's poem. It leaves you wide open.
I don't understand why my poems freaked you out so much! Constructive criticism is fine, but why do you feel the need to be blatantly bitchy about it? It's not like my poems are about you (I don't think).

But to respond constructively to your comments--have you even been to a little, local poetry night? There's a lot of bad poetry. This chick was really hot. Her poetry wasn't very good, but everyone in the room was captivated by her hotness. That's the point. I don't think that makes me superior to her in any way. I agree, the 5 year plan line sucks. There's other stuff in that poem that I like, and I haven't figured out quite how to combine the elements that I like in the three to make one really solid poem.

I do appreciate the fact that you replied. After my initial grumpiness at your tone, your comments tell me that my meaning must not be getting through.
i like them. i wish i was there. the first one is my favourite. and i personally think working an insult into a love/lust poem makes it all the more evocative. because it...juxtaposes? the hotness and triteness in this case. but in general the goodness and suckiness of people and yr enjoyment of particular individuals despite that little bit of suckiness in them (which is unavoidable) because their good points make their suck points oh so ignorable. so. there.
Wow, I feel much better now. I know I shouldn't let criticism get to me so much but...

I really appreciate knowing that someone does understand what I'm getting at--it encourages me to give these poems a little more polish. Thank you.
I really enjoyed them...